Monday, October 11, 2004

oh, hush yo' snivellin', crybaby - it's only another three years...

Once upon a time, in a hemisphere far away, New Zealanders crossed the Tasman in embarrassing numbers in search of the promised land, Oz.

There was a screamingly hilarious joke about it. Oh, god, I can barely stop myself from urinating out of mirth even now, thinking about it all these years later... It goes a little something like this...

Would the last one out of New Zealand please turn out the lights?

Okay. So it's not quite as funny once you type it out loud. But it does illustrate my point quite nicely.

ie. That once, everybody wanted to live in Australia and nobody wanted to live in New Zealand

Alas, poor NZ.

* France blew up the Rainbow Warrior.
* Australia claims all her greatest artistic talents as its own.
* Uncle Sam spat the dummy after the chaste Ms NZ refused to allow her harbours to be penetrated by his nuclear subs.

But today, the flow of immigration threatens to bleed in the opposite direction as those Australians who happen to have a social conscience struggle to come to terms with the unpleasant fact that the Wizard of Oz has pulled the wool over the eyes of general population once more.

TAKE NO NOTICE OF THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN. It is only John Howard, a small man in all ways, pretending to be all powerful as he cowers behind a facade of smoke, mirrors and spin. Unfortunately he is good at pretending. He has convinced more than half the country that it doesn't matter if we imprison children in desert detention camps so long as interest rates don't rise. It doesn't matter if we collude in the murder of thousands and thousands of Iraqi civilians in an illegal war so long as we can all afford a new washing machine whether we need one or not. It doesn't matter if you take away the basic human rights of your citizens so long as you convince them that it keeps them safe from a largely illusory menace which Howard helped to create in the first place. Oh, for the day people get as worked up about the road toll as they do about the comparatively miniscule number who succumb to DBT (Death By Terrorist. )

As for the American public - they kill more of each other in a month with their Right To Bear Arms than have probably ever been killed by foreign terrorists.

And so, me and Dorothy and Bill ( who is also a friend of Dorothy) are still clicking the heels of our shiny red shoes together and repeating mindlessly "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." We have been doing so since about 1998. But nothing happens. As yet we havent woken up and found that it was only a bad dream and that John Howard isn't the Wizard of Oz at all but only a harmless snake oil salesman travelling by wagon through the appealing countryside of Kansas.

But don't cry for us, Red Cortina - we are striking out for the Land of the Long White Cloud. I spoke to several friends today. One said he is also moving to NZ. Maybe we can split the rent on a Long House. Another said she'd move to Scotland if she could. Another said she was going anywhere, anywhere away from here. She feels threatened by a horde of dangerous voters. She is certain she would get better treatment in most countries as a refugee than those who arrived here did.

So will the last one with a social conscience out of Oz, please turn out the light?
Might as well send the rest of you ALL the way back to the Dark Ages.


At 11 October 2004 at 7:04 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear AAri possum... I love the way you can put down in writing exactly what I am feeling about being an Australian.

Three years ago at the last election I felt the same way about Howard... he may as well as thrown the children overboard himself and taken happy snaps with his new Digicamcorder.

Now, three years later and with all that's happened in that time I feel twice as ashamed and saddened by what the general public has accepted. Everyone is looking out for number one - I'm alright Jack, too bad for anyone who gets in my road, too bad about humanity... as long as I've got my McMansion and low interest rates everything's just dandy.

I am sorry and ashamed to be Australian.

Your wannabe Scottish emmigrant, Scarley.


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